So today has sucked and to top it off, I just got in a fight with my mom. Our relationship is very shaky, and I don't know how to fix it. And I'm not so sure she wants to. My mom works hard, maybe harder than anyone I know. She's a teacher, and anyone who has a loved one who teaches knows how amazing of a person it takes. They also know what a joke a teacher's salary is. Especially for a single mom. But it seems like my mom thinks that working hard is enough to excuse her from acting like a mother all the time. I mean, she has two daughters who would love to spend time with her, and she'd rather spend it away from us. At least that's how it feels.
Like tonight, I went to her door to ask her something and she told me she was busy and ask it through the door. She was at her desk which means she wouldn't have even had to get up to unlock the door. Why would she do that? Earlier she went shopping with my sister and when she came home, she said that she is sick of having my sister expecting her to always be available. It was SHOPPING!!! If you didn't want to go, you don't have to. It's that simple. But no, she goes and then she lets us know how much we wasted her time.
And it hurts. At least my sister has her husband and other people in her life. For me, mom is the only, and I do mean the only, one who knows everything I've through. That means that when I need to talk to her about certain things and she refuses, I'm stuck dealing with whatever it is all by myself. That makes me feel so alone.
I think that is all I'm going to write for now. I am so tired, and I honestly don't feel like thinking anymore right now. Especially when I'm thinking such happy thoughts. Hope your day was better than mine.
-Kiki
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